Never have I expected this melancholic feeling when I have just kind of found a job and geting out of school.
I thought that I would be glad and relieved that I am finally completing my 4 years of studies. It was a long journey. I'm proud to have completed it. But, I'm very stressed lately... partially because of school but those kind of stress is manageable. What is not.. is this feeling of uncertainty. It's really tiring to be considering which industry to go into. My mind was in a mess because I was really in a dilemma, choosing one out of two industries. Today, I have finally decided on one, the oil & gas industry. And after speaking to my Strategy Prof, I've a goal to work towards. Meanwhile, I need to get an MBA. I'm really not confident if I will be able to get a good MBA with my poor results :x Next step is to draw out my 5-year plan. so that i can review it each time i lose my way...
Deciding on the first step towards my career is .. intimidating. I'm feeling kind of depressed now. It's a mixed feeling. I feel glad that I don't have to study anymore but I feel depressed too because I will no longer enjoy the luxury of school holidays, and having time to travel around and have fun. I don't want to travel just for 1 week. I want to travel and live with people I make from the other countries and get to know about their culture. That I believe will still be attainable because there will be overseas opportunities but the fun part won't really be the same anymore.
I was watching Ayaka's video of us having fun at Martin's apartment. I was drunk that night and a huge part of it is captured in a video. It is one of those crazy nights that could make student life a history worthy to remember. I want to be enjoying too but I have to think about my career and work towards more which I want to achieve in life... There are just too many considerations and thoughts flowing in my mind these two days that make me feel kind of lost and stressed.
I'm not feeling the joy of graduation. Somehow it feels like.. I'm just going for an internship role or something but it's not. This feeling of surreal always happen. It reminds me of the day I left Korea. I was waiting for the airport bus with most of my friends who were there to send me off. It didn't feel real that I was leaving that place for good. I remember Phillipp asked if I felt sad. I said not yet. And he asked if it was surreal. and yea, it was true. It didn't feel real. After I board the bus, it suddenly came to my realization that I'm alone and I'm leaving the place. Then I was crying on the bus.
It's the same kind of feeling that I'm experiencing now. I don't know how my future would turn out to be. Accepting a job offer is a big decision. Right now, to me it is. Perhaps not for my Profs or those who have been in the working life for a long time. I seem to keep hearing my profs telling me, "yea, just try."
I really need to attend the commencement in June first before I can feel motivated again. It's really important to celebrate milestones in life, isn't it? From the last day of my exams to the first day of work, I have one week. I can spare around 3 or 4 days away from Singapore to seek some peace and time for reflection and to get recharged before the start of my working life. The road ahead seems endless... I really have to set some goals and plan my route in order to guide myself towards my goals.
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