Humans

I daydream quite a bit and many times, I will have flashbacks of some moments in Korea. Some were insane moments and many are my regrets too. There are things which I could have or have not done and things might end differently. Though it has been more than 6 months since I came back from Korea, I still do feel the same kind of regret or anxiety when I think about them.
There were several moments of my life when I found myself screaming "This is crazy!!" in my head. Those were the times when I behaved differently from my nature and do things that I had never imagined myself to do. Those were also times when I test myself for boundaries, limits and some times, tolerance.
Anyway, I was having a chat with a colleague yesterday. He is definitely one of those ordinary people and soon to be doing extraordinary things. The first time I saw him, he came across to me as a typical 'lao beng' i.e. an ex-gangster, not highly educated and think only about girls, making money and mischievous things. But after I got to know him, I found that he's a faithful husband, someone who possesses such strong values, and has a drive to live each day as simply as possible, waking up in the morning, going to work, and coming home to rest in the evening. He is so contented leading a simple life with his wife and earning a rather stable income from his venture. He's blessed with an opportunity to work with the yellow ribbon project and of course, he appreciates it. He will be able to help the ex-convicts find another chance in life.
We then talked about societal status. He said, "a person's worth is define by his/her personal values and the value which the society grants him/her." Someone could be a doctor, with high societal status, but with little respect for people around him when he bosses around and treats his subordinates as if they were his slaves just because he knows that he is a doctor and therefore feels that he has the right to mistreat others. There are really people like these who exist. There is a flaw, or perhaps a lot of it, in this whole sociology thing but there's little that we can do about it.

relationships.

Gladys was telling me that we put on weight. LOL. and she was kind of shocked to realised it. But well, I realised it as soon as I came back from Korea. I put on so much weight in Korea! Time to lose some...

Anyways. I was reading some of my previous entries before I left Korea and it is amazing to realise that it was true that my plan was to get married by age 29 and how it has changed since Korea. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I miss the feeling of having someone beside me whom I can talk to. The feeling of having someone special next to me is occurring so rarely in my daily life in Singapore. There is a possibility that I am becoming more fond of traveling because it is when I travel that I don't feel lonely. It is possible that because I am single, most of the time, when I'm in my home country, I tend to increasingly love going overseas. Somehow I was more emotionally attached to people when I was abroad. Whereas in Singapore, I am perfectly fine being single and not be emotionally attached to anyone. It's really... strange.

Mindsets changed within such short span of time. I have changed a lot and it is because I have experienced many things for the past one year. During the CNY holidays, I met some of my friends whom I meet just once a year. From the way they behave, I think they haven't changed a wee bit. Experiences are really quite a key determinant then in forming people's perception about things in life and hence affecting behaviour. Bouf. I am on my way to becoming a psychologist now! woohoo bullshit.

My friend was telling me about a friend of ours who regretted the decision he made to give up on a relationship. I guess regrets are necessary so that we learn to cherish what we have now but... still, humans are never contented with what they have. It's such a stupid vicious cycle that we are aware of and yet we fail to outgrow it; maybe until the age of >40 before we finally realise that life's too short to continuing wasting!

A close uni friend of mine is looking for a gf now after being single for the past 4 years. Lol. yea, it's time. perhaps for me too. but the whole process of finding a date or a boyfriend is too much a chore for me. really. well, my friend said that I may be single now but it could be as fast as lightning that I am marrying somebody as soon as I meet the right one. what a funny way to describe it. LOL.

It is kind of upsetting to know that a friend whom I used to go out with is kind of avoiding me because of fear of awkwardness we may feel if we see each other again. Honestly, to me, it is the past and there should not be anything more than friendship between us now. Perhaps, there is nothing to feel awkward about. Perhaps, I am wrong. Or perhaps, it's good that he cares about it. I just wish for no complications.

Oh putain de merde...

What do I want

After my exchange in korea, I have began to look at life in a different angle. I yearn for more than a simple life in singapore. I want to work overseas. I won't be satisfied with just getting married at age of 29 and having two kids and a stable job. I want to move out of this country. I want to pick up french and be fluent in korean and perhaps many other languages. I want to work with people from different countries and getting to know them and experience living in different countries. I demand more than what I had wanted before exchange.

Meeting the europeans

Following korea, my next stop was Europe. Smucc had the opportunity to go to Prague for a competition and of course, I grabbed this opportunity to extend my Europe trip to meet up with my i-house mates.

Prague was beautiful. Every single town was filled with beautiful, history-rich and old gothic buildings. They have so many old cathedrals. Paths were made of stones making it almost impossible to walk on my high-heel boots. The people there were not very friendly. The atmosphere was a little melancholic. Everyone seemed to just care about doing what they need to get past that day.

Following our competition which we achieved Gold for both categories, we left on a bus to C'esky Krumlov. It really looked like a place where the sleeping beauty or snow white lives. There were rows of small and colourful houses along stoned pavements. So pretty! It's a small town filled with colorful houses and a grand


castle just like where one of those fairytale princesses would live. From the top of the castle, we could see a spectacular view of C'esky Krumlov!

After Prague, it was tine to meet Nico at Paris! Kenken and glad went with me :) we took a plane to paris. It was so great and strange at the same time to see nico this time, in France! His country. If there is one word to describe Paris, it's majestic. And one word to describe Parisian, it's weird. As nico drove us to his place, there was just one thing that bothered me and that was the dirtiness of the streets. I recalled each time I see short videos of Paris on screen, it was the eiffel tower and all the nice buildings filmed without the view of the ground. Simply because it's dirty. They were stained with white patches by chewing gums, akiko said. The buildings like Arc de Triomph and statues of famous warriors in the middle of round-a-bouts and alongside bridges were majestic, spelt with a capital M.

We drove past moulin rouge too!!! So excited!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Back to reality; start of school term

one week after the start of a whole new semester...

I'm glad this first week has been great. somehow, I'm able to speak up more in class now than in previous semesters. I've been seeing exchange students around and would really love to hang out with them someday. it would remind me so much of my exchange life in Seoul..

I'm really excited about my trip to Europe in December. but at the same time, I'm also worried about my accomodation at my friends' place and spending too much time in Germany. The thing is... december is 4 months away from now. Nobody will know how will the situation be like then. What if my friends get attached, wouldn't it be strange for me to bunk in at their apartment?

Meeting Nico, martin and ayaka have been great. It's really awesome to see these people again because it makes me feel that the time I spent in Korea was not unreal; it was not a dream. The friends I made during exchange are a part of me now.

I miss Korea, Ewha, Ihouse, 7th floor kitchen, my room, my roommate, my neighbours, my friends, the food, the shopping so much..... and above all, the freedom and living in a foreign island with all my new found friends who got so close with me over a period of weeks and months resulted in a state of excitement. Because we were away from home, we were daring. We did all we wanted to do. No fear, almost no shame, and absolutely no barrier. Nothing stopped us from doing what we wanted. No reasons or excuses required. How thrilling is that? Learning new things EVERYDAY from the people I met there who grew up in such different environment and culture as me.

In any case, as much as I miss my life in Korea, I have to look forward and I hope I am. I am looking forward to my trip in Europe, possibly a 6 month internship after that, graduation, searching for my ideal job, earning money and finally travel around again. That is my motivation.

Martin and Ayaka came to Singapore for 5 days and now they're gone.

They stayed at my place. It was awesome meeting them again because I missed them so much before. It was like.. learning how to adapt to my life alone in sg and now, having to relearn it again.

I miss phillipp, alex, nico and rio so much. I miss being around people all the time, going out with them and coming back to the same ihouse every day. Everything felt fresh and different when I came back from Seoul. I attended the first choir practice and right away, I learnt that choir taught us to be patient. My conductor was going through the bass parts and I felt a little impatient because I had to wait. But I've never felt it before I left to seoul. I was used to it then. It was amazing how we oblivious we can be to our surroundings that almost everything seems natural, but they're not! It's so important to step out of our comfort zone, so that we come back seeing things afresh and learn to appreciate them more.

Of course, the side effect is that I became more critical. When I just reach Singapore, I was comparing Singaporeans with foreigners. I was comparing Singlish and English. I was being critical of my surroundings. It's not necessarily a good thing. It was about learning to accept and embrace the differences. Learning to love being a Singaporean, which in a way, could mean being unique. On the second day I was back, I was ordering some food when I overheard the stall lady saying "This one how much ah?" It was so unusual for me. Immediately I thought, Singaporeans should improve our english. Singlish is unique, yes, but it is also important to speak good english to be able to communicate with non-singaporeans. It is okay to speak singlish but also, it is important to know what the correct sentence should be so that we can use it when it is necessary.

It was nice that ayaka and martin visit me here. I visited MBS and the new sentosa. I visited the places that only 1. tourists or 2. couples would visit. Haha. Being single, these are the places I would not visit. So it was cool that I got my chance to visit those places. Ahah... I brought them around to eat Chicken rice, Bak kut teh, 126, goreng pisang, and of course the other local delicacies like char kway teow and all... and they love it! Nico is coming in august and I will bring him to all the awesome food places again :D

Separation is always hard. Now, I need some time to get used to living by myself again.

My last week in Seoul was crazy. I clubbed almost every day. And something different happened almost every night.

I'm back home now. Everything seemed to have happened so fast in Korea. During my last week in Korea, I met Dorian and his gang (Mr. Rio). They were fun to hang out with but too bad, I think we met too late in the semester (just like what Dorian said).

During my last days, I also started hanging out with Phillipp. The german guy whom I thought was gay on my first night clubbing in Seoul because he didn't appear to be interested in girls! My impression of him actually improved after we started talking during the last few days. I was always drunk when I saw him. But last week, we spoke more often, like what real friends do. I found him to be a nice guy :) I gave him a card before I left.

I met Youna, my peace buddy on my second last day in Korea. We had an awesome lunch and she bought me a gift and wrote me a card :)) how sweet of her.

And on my very last night, Alex came and finally said what he wanted to say to me. We humans always wait till the last minute to finally feel the pressure to do what we always wanted to do. tsk tsk.

And on my last morning, Oni, Akiko, Willy, Phillipp, Alex, Rio, Nico, Jing, Basti and Sascha sent me off. When I was at the bus stop waiting for the airport bus with the rest, everything felt unreal. I cried so much for the last few days but when I was at the bus stop, I couldn't feel anything. It was as if I was in a dream. Then we hugged and I left on the bus. And then, I started realising that I was leaving Seoul. I started crying in the bus. And then on the plane, I felt so bad but I didn't allow myself to cry because there were so many people around me. I met pf and jx at hk and that night, I was drunk. I was so upset that I sobbed so hard at the hotel lobby while I was skyping with Ayaka and Martin. I need some time to readjust back to my life before.

I miss seoul SO much and especially the friends I met there. Martin and Ayaka will be paying a visit soon. It's gonna be funnnnnnn :)